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Enter the first stutter

June 24, 2014

The past few days on my path to the new reality have been a bit up and down.

Day 6

Saturday, I spent the morning strolling around my favourite farmers markets, having a coffee sitting on the grass while laughing at little kids doing their thing in the playground. I didn’t think too much about strategy and focussed on sharing laughs and fun with my own children during the rest of the day. Noticed I was appreciating things more than before.

Day 7

Sunday with the new reality clear in my mind again I made a list of how life is likely to run in my new reality that would be different from how I am living now, who it would affect personally and what preparation I need to make to be ready for those changes.

What a superb exercise!

I immediately started work French polishing two antique tall boys that I will either shift into my new home or will sell to make room for other things. The rest of the afternoon the positive energy was flowing in a big way! I felt really excited – couldn’t really think of any reason why I’d be excited except for what is to come.

Giggled my way through the evening at some old Black Adder shows on TV.

Day 8

Head cold starting to emerge which puts a damper on things.

(Mercredan says the only reason scientists haven’t been able to find the cause for a cold is because they are looking in the wrong places. The common cold is your own body’s way of saying you need to take a break. If you choose to fill yourself with drugs and soldier on, your body will send you a stronger message with maybe the flu, a sprained ankle, diahorrea or a broken wrist. Anything to get you to stop for a while. The messages from your body will continue to get stronger until you listen.)

I had a lot to do this day in helping out with a massive annual concert held at the Sydney Opera House with 1000 young instrumental performers so I just focussed on enjoying it where I could and counting down to the second I would be back in a quiet space again.

Received gratitude from the children I was looking after. Gave gratitude for those who made the event happen.

Here’s the first stutter. It’s pretty good I made it all the way to Day 8 before having one.

Several hours after bedtime I was still awake, my mind was reeling with all the old reality. A long string of memories of people who have criticised me, treated me unfairly, pointed out my lacking of whatever virtue you care to name. Double that with a cold and a fever I didn’t go to sleep in the best frame of mind.

Day 9

Still have the cold today but have my head screwed on a little better. Will do my best in the today’s 3 appointments, rest in between and feel grateful that all that crap running through my head last night was just that. Crap.

Today there are people who want to talk to me so I can’t be that incompetent. 🙂

I’m also keeping in mind that all that old criticism would have been attracted to me at the time to match how I criticised myself. Nowadays, the only people openly criticising me are the ex-husband and his new wife who don’t really count because we barely see each other. They are probably just expressing their own general unhappiness.

Today, I set my intention to have a big laugh, a good sleep and some high quality work.

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