Yikes! The opportunities are there and I have to admit I still have an aversion to accepting them.
On Friday I was in the city at a meeting. It went a little over time and I had just 15 minutes to scoot down the main street to the local Apple store for an appointment I’d booked to get some maintenance for my Mac.
As I walked at top speed down the road a man caught my eye who was on the side of the path leaning against a shop window. In my mind’s eye I think I’d already worked out who he was. An old show business colleague I’d been wanting to connect with again but I didn’t know how to find him. I hadn’t seen him for about 15 years.
I glanced in his direction only a split second and saw the right coloured eyes as I was passing but continued flying at full tilt down the road.
My intuition kicked in. TURN AROUND GO BACK it said.
As has happened so many times before, in a way that I promised myself I would never do again, my brain started it’s wining. “He won’t remember me. He’s famous now. It might not be him anyway. He’ll think I’m an idiot. I’m late. I have to get to this appointment. He won’t want to talk to me. I don’t have anything to say…”
So many STUPID self doubts that prevent me from accepting what is offered!
I did get to my appointment on time but spent the following two days kicking myself that I didn’t listen to my very clear intuition.
One thing that has brought a little comfort is remembering what opportunities I have taken when they arose in front of me. But as I start to lose my memory in this process, I’m finding it tricky to remember those times.
Another comfort is what Esther Hicks said as Abraham in one of her videos. Something like
We watch you with such love as you go about your day. As you get in a grumpy mood, miss our message and turn to go down another street completely missing the most perfect partner we could offer you (hear the audience groan at this point) and we say with a smile “Oh! Did you see that? Missed by THAT MUCH! She was so close!” and we love you all the same.
So I know that I’m the only one judging me over these missed opportunities. The Universe loves me all the same.
I wonder if at the end of this life I’ll get to see my life back over and laugh with all those big souls up there about all the friggin opportunities missed and what they could have lead to. (sigh)
It’s pointless speculating though, right? Wasted energy and NOT in the present moment.
So! Time to forgive myself and trust that another opportunity is already being tailored for me as we speak.
I had a Mercredan session yesterday. There was more in the discussion about how we can improve our Presence exercise, learning to not only be in the present moment but to have presence with another person or audience. Very interesting stuff.
A part of the session mentioned how opportunities arise when you are in the present moment and the comment felt very much linked with my few new opportunities right now.
Here’s what Mercredan said…
M: I am suggesting first of all to take significant time to be present to yourself so that you clear up what ever is disturbing your ability to be in the moment, in the time and space, so that you can rise your vibration or, more specifically, release those concepts and ideas that drive you away from that state of blessedness.
A: Mm! I like that word.
M: Do you understand what I mean?
A: I do
M: You are blessed at all times and when One finds the blessings, when One finds that sense that One is blessed, then life unfolds without descensions.
A: And that is heaven, isn’t it?
M: That is, of course, the perfect place to operate from. Then One can seize opportunity and deliver upon it. One is then only exposed, shall we say, to the opportunity that One needs.
A: Yes I feel like that has been happening to me over the last week or so, anyway. Just the right opportunities coming in.
M: Of course and the point of opportunity is to respond in equal measure. That is to follow the opportunity without any outgoing concern. Because you often think that One should follow it with a certain degree of passion, but the passion in this case is attachments to it’s outcome rather than the trust that it is a step along the way however it works out.
A: Yes, I get that. So a certain amount of follow through but with detachment.
M: Exactly, but with a continuing sense of presence. One is not unattached in a sense and yet One is not attached to the outcome. Do you follow the difference? One is quite aligned. One is aligned with it understanding that it is how One unfolds but not attached to it being a certain way.
A: Yes yes. It’s lovely! It’s so much easier than trying hard. (laughs)
M: And, I want to say, so much more productive.
So the opportunities presented right now are not too many. Just enough in terms of personal and group coaching plus a couple of products which others will sell for me.
While I’ve been sitting here for some time wondering what this magical and mysterious “Project” is that I will be working on, I can see now that it may possibly have a lot to do with this idea of being present and that the opportunities offered right now, although they look fairly normal in a business sense, may be one of two things… or both.
1) Covering the bills till my project is underway
2) Bringing the project and the purpose into Being
Whether it’s one or both doesn’t really matter now. I can relax knowing these opportunities are the right ones and I will enjoy them every step along the way to the larger project.
I will be learning. I will be teaching. I will be growing and evolving with the experience.
A win win situation. Don’t we love those? :-)
Yesterday I did my second Presence session. I was better at it this time and fell into the no-brainer zone reasonably quickly with less thought interruptions during the exercise.
Being present with someone is a fascinating experience. When you meditate, you are aiming for that still, calm mind where you allow any thoughts that enter your head to pass through. It’s easy to cheat when you’re on your own but when someone is watching you, more discipline is required.
You know any thoughts that you cling on to immediately show on your face. When someone is watching you, you tend to deal with these thoughts more efficiently to avoid being caught. You are being kept accountable to a clear mind and this, for me, makes a far higher quality no-brainer meditation time, the result of which has a lasting effect on the rest of the day and through the next day.
It also has the added advantage of connection. The Power of Two is far greater than the Power of One. When both of you are present in the moment it’s like 2 squared rather than 1 squared, if you get what I mean. Like 4 times the power.
We both got different visions from this 10 minute exercise.
For me I got this kind of image in my mind. This image is showing light refraction through a magnifying glass.
My interpretation of the image was that, in doing this Presence exercise, the usual thoughts of the past and the future compressed down or faded away till all that’s left is that one focal point which is the Present. When the only thing you are conscious of is the Present, that one Focal point is where your energy is highly potent, bright, powerful. Intense enough to set a piece of paper on fire when you use a magnifying glass in the sun.
In Consciousness, having your focus on nothing but the Present moment draws in all your energy to one tiny potent pin prick of attention. A place where creativity can spark. A place where all answers can be found.
I realise the goal of living every moment in the Present feels like I have a way to go yet.
Even though I’m only able to do it sporadically while I’m consciously incompetent, I already see an instant result in how I am supported throughout the day. Things just seem to fall into place. There is zero stress. I can trust myself to remember to do the things that are in the calendar like make it to appointments on time and finish my daily To Do list which I was worried would slip my mind.
It makes for an odd conversation. If someone asks me now “How was your week?” or “What did you do this morning?” the smile disappears off my face and my eyes rove to the left picking back through the old stuff to try and remember what happened. This is quite an effort now whereas before I was proud of my superb memory.
How would it be when we all start focussing this way in the future?
Conversations would not be about the past, only about the present. So it would be more about observation or expressing ourselves rather than conclusions or reporting. No more bitching or gossip. No more stringing out the old memories which determine the future.
We would probably have a lot less to say and would simply enjoy each other’s presence as “Time is Precious” so every second you spend focussed on someone else is a gift. The Present becomes a Gift.
For my partner, he got the message that what we were doing was drawing “strings” down through the top of the head linking the head to the heart and building our Heart Neurology. Mercredan has spoken of our Human Evolvement which includes an upgrade to heart neurological capacity. Apparently this Presence exercise, simple though it is, fast tracks the upgrade.
Bring it on!
I’ve also noticed that now, when I turn away from the usual busy-ness in my head and come back to the Present moment that I feel dizzy. Like a warping is happening. Like when you warp a Wobble board and it makes that “whoop” sound a few times before it settles.
No explanation for this yet. I figure it will either settle down or I will just get used to it.
Phew! What a ride.
I’m getting better at spending my time in the present moment. Had a fun day yesterday. I had to go to a bureau to photocopy and present my youngest son’s High School application.
The car has stopped once again so I was heading out for the bus.
Both to and from the trip I ended up being given a free bus ride – no lies or deceit, no hiding behind the seats.
Also when I got to the bureau, the exact folder I needed to present the application was in a 10 cent clearance bin so, photocopying and printing included, I spent something silly like $2.42 for the whole day.
All the way along people were stepping in front of me to check I was ok or if I needed help. They were offering tips and advice or organising what would make what I was wanting easier.
This, I assume is what Mercredan calls “a responsive environment”.
When you lose the memories – the past story about how hard life is for you and how limited the resources – then you lose the judgement about how much better things would be if they were different, and simply move through your day conscious of the present moment, then there is no resistance to what you want.
You don’t have to actively reach out or try hard, simply stay neutral and open.
It really makes me question vision boards, goals, missions and a million visualisation exercises we get offered everyday. Are these what hold us back if we use them incorrectly? Do they hold us back completely?
I think I’ve mentioned this before but is it more like orgasm where you can only get there if you let go and stop striving?
So! All good for now. And now is all that matters. :-)
Two exercises I’ve tried over the last couple of days which have made a massive difference to my state of mind and clarity. I’ve got to share them with you.
1) OM (Orgasmic Meditation)
Meditation is a way of calming the craziness of the mind in order for the good ideas to come through. It doesn’t always have to be done cross legged on the floor with your fingers all spiky. Achieving a calm, empty mind can be done walking, swimming, running, gardening, lying on the couch, playing an instrument … activities that are active or passive.
The OM practice has been set up by One Taste in the USA with a set of rules to keep it contained as something which can be done with a non-sexual partner. You can do it with either a male or female partner. There is a set amount of time with no “commerce” attached as to what is owed afterwards. The practice in itself benefits both parties in deeper ways than just physical. They can be life changing and have been known to help you lose weight, build self esteem and connection.
Here’s the original video I saw
Here’s a lecture by the instructor you see in the video
And here is the website where you can learn more
I tried this for the first time with a friend in the weekend. We were both pretty nervous but did ok. Not bad for a first try. We both learnt things about ourselves and how we interact which we talked about afterwards. Fascinating stuff! Will keep learning from this and see where it goes.
2) Having presence
As explained in the Mercredan session in the post after 1st July, having presence is not just about being present. It’s about doing it with no memories of the past and no judgement of the future.
I tried this on Skype with a friend who is not in my city. We decided to sit “in presence” to each other for 15 minutes.
A few thoughts passed through my brain which I was able to let go. By the end I felt very calm and loving, revering my partner and feeling like I knew him better.
The rest of the day was completely devoid of stress. The whole day just felt… easy.
This morning I woke early with lots of energy and feeling much clearer about what I was to do next to build my business.
What a relief! After fighting for the answers for so long, to have them just pop into my head was so effortless.
What if life could be like this all the time? You ask a question in your head “I wonder if…” and the answer just arrives instantly.
That is tuned in. That’s what happens when you empty your mind and allow the answers in rather than being logical and “trying” to figure them out.
Let’s see how long I can keep this up. :-)
I noticed towards the end of the day yesterday panic was setting in. This often flutters up when I notice what bills are on the shelf compared to what cash is in the till. I know I’ve been here before and things seem to always work out but, it’s not a pleasant feeling whenever it arises.
So I started a conversation with myself as I tend to do. The wiser, higher version of me comforting the little earthly version of myself.
The first thing that came to mind was the words from the last Mercredan session combined with what the Channeller himself gave me.
I am the master of my own creation.
Accept it as it is. Be in the present moment with no judgement.
Damn! That feels difficult to do in moments of panic.
My creation felt like a painting. For that’s all it is. It’s not reality. It’s not real. It’s simply the picture I’ve made for myself right now. I don’t have to live here forever.
My whining, earthly self said “I’ve been working on this painting for years now. I like some things about it but there are other things that are… (come on, Annabelle, no judgement) … just not the way I want them. Now I feel like I’ve run out of paint and I have no energy left to change what I’ve painted.”
My higher self kicks in with this insight.
“You are wrong, Annabelle. You have an unlimited supply of paints. Unlimited.
“Take a look at your painting. Appreciate how much work you’ve put into it. You really worked hard on it. It truly is a Masterpiece. An extraordinary amount of work.
“However, you are seeing that the more you paint now, the worse it gets. It’s overdone. So it’s time to recognise how many good skills you learnt in painting this one, then set it aside and start a new painting.
“There will be things you’ll paint onto the new canvas immediately because you liked them from the last painting.
“Here’s the awesome part though.
“No one is demanding you paint the rest the same way as the old one. You can start again.
“Remember, you have unlimited paints and your palette of colours and textures is vast.
“Use your imagination. Smile. This painting is going to flow so much easier when you let go of the last painting.
“Start right now.”
Hmm. Unlimited paints. It’s true.
That change of mindset dissolves the panic for a second even if I have to keep referring to it over and over.
I’m finding it does bring me back to the present moment.
With no memories, no judgement, I have presence.
What did he say?
The presence draws in that which is necessary out of the responsive environment. That means you will attract those that can bring what is needed.
Sounds good to me.
So… what painting can I paint today with my unlimited paints?